What happened on Monday February 18th?

Okay here I am Forty-five years old and happy (drugged but happy .. joking). Yesterday was my birthday, and I really don't feel a day over twenty-five.

Aren't we supposed to feel older and more mature as we grow up? I always thought I would, but every day I am surprised that I have 3 kids between 15 and 8. That I've been married to the same beautiful woman for 20 years. That I have been working for almost twenty three years (spread that over about 7 companies). Here I am supposedly getting old and I just don't feel that way. (hey the other night at TaiKwonDo I was doing ninja rolls and summersaults .. I paid for it the next day). So I guess what I saying is all that myth about adults getting older and wiser is just crap (shhh!!! don't let the secret out)

Here it is the first official Family Day in Ontario and I am at work. Or at least I am supposed to be working. What are you doing?

Here is a couple of original tracks and cover versions for you to listen to. Which version do you like better?

John Lee Hooker - Boom Boom Boom (download .mp3)
The Animals - Boom Boom Boom(live)(download .mp3)
Howlin' Wolf - Killing Floor (download .mp3)
Jimi Hendrix - Killing Floor(live Monterey Pop)(download .mp3)

If you like the music go out and buy some.

I just finished reading White Night by Jim Butcher. If you want a great read with a lot of adventure, humour and just all around fun, pick up any of Jim's Dresden file books. Now I read a fair bit, but lately I've been looking into what and how I read. School books and Non Fiction, I can't get into, in fact I can't pay attention to a single page long enough to get any information out of it. (though for some reason I can read biographies) I read what I call movie books. If I can get into a book deep enough I begin to see the action and characters as if they are on a screen and I'm watching a movie.
Anyway .. take some time a pick up a Dresden book, if you have read any before I would suggest #1 "Storm Front"

What happened on Monday February 11th?

I haven't made a personal post in a fair while (I probably have lost most of my regular friends), mainly because I'm not willing to admit things to myself. Kind of a bold statement don't ya think!

What's going on is I have been suffering from depression for about the last 10 months or so. I hadn't done anything about it until recently because I felt I was being a wimp and just causing myself to be down. Due to how I've been handling the depression I've been flying off the handle quickly, yelling a lot, this has made me a real asshole to my family and just a jerk to live with. I finally felt I had to do something about it when I was getting suicidal thoughts. Not that I would ever do it, just that I would think how much better Wife and kids would be without me.

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, he has put me on a antidepressant called Cipralex. I find the affects to be interesting. My emotions/reactions aren't as explosive .. I'm thinking before I get upset or worked up and I can make a more intelligent decision about what my reaction needs to be. For the most part it's kind of nice. There are down side's to this, I get a slight nausea feeling an hour or two after I take the pill. Late in the day around two or three pm I get incredibly tired and this may sound weird but I have to remind myself which part of my progressive lenses that I need to look out of. I've also come to realize that I handle my emotions differently then people around me.

We have been talking to a family councillor the last few months, on how to handle raising a teenager with ADD-I. Part of is that I have come to realise that I am also ADD (I have to get myself tested, but like I said other things have to come first -- BILLS!!!), and I don't know how to explain this but I get a rush from extreme emotions. These pills make me feel mostly dead emotionally (though it has been explained to me that I am feeling and thinking about things the way everyone else does - damn you guys are emotionally dead), things that would normally set me off in a emotional high I am now thinking about and realise that I don't have to overreact, where before I would have gone through the roof. I was or better put I do enjoy the extreme rush of the emotional reaction. Though I now realize that this is not good for me, my family and my married life.

I have had a couple of anxiety attacks since starting to take the pills, mainly while I'm out shopping with Wife, I think these originate when I'm conflicting between what she wants me to do and the fact that it goes against what I want. My only problem is that I get testy and snappy when this happens and I get upset at her. I don't want to do this, so I have to work on this. I know that I will need to talk to someone about this, I have plans to it's just right now I have to many other things that I need to get done.

Things are going well for Eldest, he is on a new ADD med and is succeeding at school. In fact today we have been informed that in two of the classes that he has been struggling in, he was able to get a 85% in the last two tests as opposed to 45% to 55% that he was getting. He is happy and says he likes the difference between (as he says) the focused world and the unfocused world.

Middle is being a thirteen year old, the attitude is incredible, but for the most part she is a wonderful human being who puts up with being a middle child trapped between a brother who is getting a ton of attention and a little sister who demands attention. Life can be unfair, but we are trying to be fair with her. She hates being a goalie, but she plays so well, its a shame but I think this year will be her last year in hockey.

Youngest is youngest, demanding attention, seeking confirmation that she is the centre of attention. She wants to be a famous singer when she grows up, but just try to get her to practice.

Well that is it from me, I've come clean with myself and now back to music and pictures of plants.

Enjoy Muddy Waters,download
Mannish Boy.mp3

What happened on Friday February 1st?

17 days till I'm half way to 90, 14 days to the day of Love. Not a lot to post about, or anything that I'm willing to write about for now. Enjoy the music

From Rent, download the mp3 of " Seasons of Love" {Buy}